Like most, I’ve been looking back at my 2017 and hoping for bigger and better things for the New Year.

I don’t make resolutions. The word “resolution” implies that you need to be fixed.
I don’t need to fix my personality or my ethics.
So I’ve come up with New Year Plans. I then know that I can change or add to my plans as I go along.

But it wasn’t until I flicked back through my social media posts that I realised how much actually happened in 2017.
So I want summarise the year; the good bits and the bad bits, and then share my plans for 2018.

January
I was miserable this time last year. I was fat and in a job that made me extremely unhappy. These were things I wanted to change in the New Year.
I re-joined Slimming World and by 14th Jan I had lost 7lbs!
Unfortunately though, a few days later we lost one of our bunnies, Crosby. He was 2 years old when he died. We ended up bringing our other bunny, Puck, inside for extra love and affection.

February
After a few weeks of mourning for us and Puck, we got a new baby bunny called Rolo. Rabbits are social creatures and we were worried about Puck being on her own. It wasn’t love at first sight for them, but nearly 11 months on they’re inseparable.
My first February weigh in was successful and I got my 1 stone award at Slimming World. I felt healthier and already my body confidence was going up!

March
Still miserable in my job, I didn’t help myself by deciding to give up Chocolate for Lent. I raised about £80 for British Heart Foundation in the process and learnt that I can say no to chocolate cake.
My second March weigh in resulted in my 1.5 stone award. I also won Slimmer of the Week so I was super happy!
Our 3rd wedding anniversary came along mid-March and we took a trip to Lewes.  Our hotel housed a very quiet pool and spa so it was a lovely relaxing few days.
Despite enjoying some lush food on our mini break, my final March weigh in went well and I got my Club 10 award – I’d now lost 10% of my starting body weight!

April
I didn’t have high hopes for April. I was starting to use a wheelchair more and more and my EDS was flaring up big time.
I attempted a trip to Guildford on my own in my wheelchair and it was a disaster. I had to make my way from Guildford station to Wetherspoons and I realised my wheelchair was not fit for independent journeys. At times I feared for my life as my chair veered off towards the road. An SOS call to Hayley, was needed and she came to my rescue to push me the rest of the way.
April continued to go downhill as my Nan was admitted to hospital. We found out she’d been fighting cancer since November but hadn’t told the rest of the family. We visited her every other night during her admission which was difficult on my body as my flare continued.

May
Still hating life at work, but signed off sick due to my increasing pain levels, I had time to look for a new job. My only criteria for my new role was that I didn’t want to commute. I finally found a new job just 20mins walk away from home. I happily fired off an email to my boss giving my notice.
In the same week, I got my 2 stone award and I was the lightest I’d ever been in my adult life. Things were starting to look up and I was getting stronger as the days went by.
My nephew and I ventured off to London on 13th to see the Vamps at the O2; the tickets were Kian’s Christmas present from last year. We had a nice meal at Pizza Express but I think I may have enjoyed the concert more than Kian. #EmbarrassingAunt
As the month went on, my Nan’s condition deteriorated and she was moved into a care home for palliative care. She died in her sleep in the early hours of Sunday 21st May. Most of the extended family gathered in her room to say goodbye; She was peaceful and no longer suffering.
Midweek was my brother’s 40th birthday. My family gathered together in a pub restaurant for a surprise meal and had some great fun playing Rock n Roll Bingo- it was a great pick-me-up to end the month.
At the end of May, I started iTalk group sessions. There were 4 weekly sessions, where we were given coping mechanisms to battle mild episodes of anxiety and depression. The sessions were incredibly useful, and it was nice to know there were so many local people going through similar things as me.

June
I started my new job on 5th June and it didn’t take long for me to pick it up. My workload quickly increased and it wasn’t long before I was left to my own devices.
After a hard first week, I had no time to relax at the weekend. Saturday morning was the Race for Life. We had raised £545 for Cancer Research and I beat my time from previous years.
After a quick nap that afternoon, I was then ready to head out for the night for Nicola’s hen party. We made our way into town dressed as Disney princesses and very unlike me, I stayed out until 3am! My earlier powernap was obviously useful!
The following week was Nan’s funeral. Another reason for my family to gather together. There were tears- happy and sad but oddly, it was a lovely day.
Just as my flare was coming to an end, I managed to get an ear infection which severely affected my balance. As a result, I fell down the stairs one morning. I ended up calling an ambulance and spent the day in A&E, waiting for x-rays and other tests. All tests came back fine, and I left hospital that day with just a bit of bruising to my hip. It did however send my body back into flare mode.

July
In the first week of July, Nicola got married and I managed to hobble along to her wedding reception. Lydia and I went together, as our husbands were otherwise occupied. I got to catch up with friends I hadn’t seen for a while and all in all, it was a lovely evening.
A few weeks later, now recovered from my bruised hip, I started yoga at work. I’d never tried it before and seriously underestimated it as a form of exercise. It was hard! But I honestly felt better for it after every session.
That weekend we travelled to Bristol to see my brother-in-law and his girlfriend. We stayed with them for the night and went to an outdoor cinema in Bristol Harbour. It was a cold night, but was enjoyable.
At the end of July, we finally flew off to Florida for our long awaited holiday. We had a great 2 weeks going between the Disney parks and enjoying some good weather and a villa with a pool. There weren’t many nights where we weren’t in the pool and it did wonders for my body!

August
While away, I got a text from Grace to say she was engaged. We were having lunch at Kennedy Space Centre when I got the message and I squealed with excitement. I had to keep it secret though because she hadn’t got round to telling everyone just yet! I felt very honoured to be one of the first people to know!
Our journey back from Florida was a nightmare with delays and an emergency landing due to a passenger taken ill.
A week after we got back from holiday was Kian’s birthday and my first experience at Top Golf; Driving Range meets Archery… Hitting golf balls and aiming for specific targets to rack up points. I didn’t know what to expect but it was incredibly fun even though I wasn’t very good at it!

September
We had a friends get away to Margate for 2 nights at the beginning of September with Jodie and Lydia, as well Jodie’s boyfriend Dave. We had an amazing apartment through Air BnB for the weekend and had some great fun. I absolutely loved Dreamland; Margate’s very own theme park! We also attempted to go for a swim in the sea, although got out after about 20mins shivering!
Later that month, Amanda got engaged while on holiday in South Africa. I was super happy to hear that her boyfriend had finally put a ring on it and needed to know all the details right away!

October
October has always been busy in the past but it took a while to pick up this year.
I had spent the last 4/5 months counting down to the Busted concert at the Royal Albert Hall. The day finally arrived and it was amazing. The guys were brilliant and I got to share the night with Lydia and Minnie.
Later that week, we went out for dinner for an early birthday meal with some of my friends and it was a lovey evening out. The following night was a night in with Grace and her new fiancé; Another enjoyable night of drink and food.
I spent my actual birthday mostly alone, due to being off work with another pain flare. But we did mange to go out for dinner that night with my in-laws using my wheelchair. The food was good but I was absolutely exhausted by the time we were finished.
That weekend we went away for 2 nights to a spa hotel near Barnstaple. Trying to navigate Barnstaple in a wheelchair was not fun! Uneven ground and hills everywhere!

November
By some miracle, I passed my theory driving test! Third time lucky!
To go with the 2 engagements this year, I then received an invite to my cousin’s wedding in March. I do love a good wedding!
It wasn’t long though before everything went wrong again. At midnight on 10th November, I was admitted to hospital after Jim had forced me to go to A&E.
This led to me having an emergency discectomy a few days later. I woke up in a lot less pain, but there had been complications during the surgery which led to eye and bladder problems… All cleared up now though!

December
This year was my dad’s 70th birthday so we had a big surprise birthday bash for him which had been 3 months in the making. It was an absolute success and dad had been none the wiser to the planning.
After weeks of recovery, I finally took the advice of many and applied for PIP. I’m just awaiting a decision now that the 40 page form has been received.
Of course, December is Christmas and as per my previous post, my anxiety was through the roof.
But we had 2 Christmas dinners, a boxing day get together, and a post Christmas lunch. Plenty of food was eaten and a lot of wine consumed.

We spent NYE at my brother’s and watched Grand Tour after I lost spectacularly in a FIFA tournament against Jim, my brother and nephews.
We got home in time to pour some wine and watch the fireworks on TV and then watch our neighbours fireworks from our bedroom window.
Diet starts tomorrow as the leftover Christmas party food is currently in the oven for a midnight snack!
Despite my weight loss earlier in the year, I’m finishing 2017 with just an 8lb loss due to gaining some back over the last few difficult months.
I had big plans this time last year and I didn’t get very far.

But I know what I want from 2018 and I’m going to try harder than ever:

• Lose at least 3 stone- I need to lose 7st overall.
• Take more pictures- I take a lot of random pictures but I need more pics with my friends and family.
• Get further with our fertility journey- I was offered the medication a few months ago but now I need to lose some weight and get my body fighting fit in order to progress.
• Learn French- My Grandad was French Canadian so I would love to learn his language.
• See my friends more- Now we’re not at school and living our lives its easy to lose touch so I’d love to see them more!
• Be more creative- I want to make more! I’ve got a sewing machine so I’d love to make my own clothes.
• Get my body fighting fit- I’ve got consultant appointments with orthopaedics and rheumatology this year so I’d like to get a management plan in place.
• Read more- I want to spend less time on my phone and read books! I have so many books that I’ve not read and also some good looking recommendations!
• Have a fun marriage- We’re celebrating 10years together this year! I want to do more fun stuff together! I want to go and see live music, do cultural stuff and generally just get out of the house!

I personally think this is a realistic list. There will be people who don’t agree that “resolutions” should be easy but I don’t want to set myself up for failure. These are just things I want for 2018 and I can’t wait to be here this time next year to see how much I can tick off!

. coming . soon .

From this week, I hope to start “Feature Friday”

With this, I want to feature people with chronic or invisible illnesses not only to raise awareness for different illnesses but for people to see how others are affected in ways we can’t see or even imagine!

I have asked my insta-community to put themselves forward but if any readers would like to feature then please contact me!

. mayday . mayday .

This time last week I was sat in A&E in the most immense pain I have ever encountered. Pain that I NEVER wish to feel again.
I was 5 hours into waiting for a relief and I would take anything by this point, it was excruciating.

– THURSDAY –

Around 15:30, pain suddenly started pulsing in my left calf and behind my knee. Jim helped me upstairs to lay down but nothing was alleviating it. Tears streamed down my face and it was getting worse and worse.
He suggested we go to A&E, something he’s always tried to avoid in the past. He’s never seen the point of waiting 3hours just to get some paracetemol.

We got to my Basingstoke A&E which is about a mile from home. Triage was done at the door and I was entered onto the system with “left leg pain requiring observation”. I personally don’t think much of their “streamlined” triage as I then had to be re-triaged because the description was too vague.
I explained that I had an epidural about a month ago with 2 previous surgeries and hEDS. The 2nd triage nurse did some observations and then send me outside to wait for a doctor.

Still crying with pain, I waited to be called. I was eventually called into a side room and seen by a Nurse Practitioner who told me to change into a hospital gown and lay on a bed. She gave me entinox and felt up and down my leg to check for altered sensation. She asked me about my medical history and questioned why I had gone to that A&E and not Frimley Park, where my orthopaedic consultant is based. I thought, what a ridiculous question!! She then told me that unfortunately no one would see me there as my pain was too complex and I should have gone to Frimley (20 miles away!). She discharged me from A&E with the recommendation to either go home or go to Frimley.

So at about 19:00 and still with no pain relief, we left for Frimley. As the Entinox wore off, the pain hit harder and harder.
We arrived at Frimley and Jim found me a wheelchair. We went through the process again: reception, triage, wait… Each time explaining that Basingstoke didn’t want to treat me, showing the discharge letter and being asked if it was true.
I was called through to Minor Injuries about 22:00, where I was told to wait for the on call Orthopaedic doctor. People came and went with sprains and fractures.
One guy had broken his nose and had been waiting about an hour less than us. He got impatient and asked how long the wait would be. He was told there were no doctors in minor injuries and he wouldn’t be dealt with any time soon. He went home with 2 tampons up his nose.

The Orthopaedic doctor finally made her way down to A&E to assess me. Again, my legs were assessed and she asked all the questions I’d already been asked about 4 times that night. She gave me a choice; to go home with stronger meds or be admitted for some even stronger meds overnight… I chose the 2nd option.
I was eventually found a bed around 1am on one of the Orthopaedic wards. I was given some morphine and was finally able to get some sleep… Jim had the 20mile drive back home; not something he had expected to do alone.

– FRIDAY –

The next day I continued a regime of Cocodamol and Oramorph. I had visits from the Ortho team, the Spinal team and the Pain Nurse. They all said I could probably go home with my medications increased. The pain continued to intensify throughout the afternoon while I waited to see each doctor.
The afternoon observations were done and the usual question was asked: “Have you been to the toilet today?”. Well, no I hadn’t? I’d drunk about 3 jugs of water so why hadn’t I felt the need to go? The nurse did a scan which showed 675ml in my bladder. I tried to go but nothing happened no matter how long I sat there thinking of babbling brooks with the taps running.
They decided to catheterise me and send me for an MRI scan which was the most painful and uncomfortable scan I’ve ever had. I usually enjoy them; 20mins of laying there listening to music. But this time I was in so much pain that laying still was hard and being flat on my back just made it worse.
The Spinal consultant appeared soon after I returned to the ward. He told me I had a massive disc rupture and I’d need to have an operation the next day. I was to eat nothing after midnight and have the catheter removed over night to see what happens.

– SATURDAY –

Nothing happened. Saturday morning came and I was still unable to go. I’d had IV fluids overnight as well as drinking like a fish. So that was settled. I was having surgery.
I was prepped for theatre and left the ward about 8:30am.

I woke up in recovery around 11am, unable to open my eyes. They were so painful! The nurse laid some cold wet bandages over them while she called for a doctor. The anaesthetist came to check on me and took a look at my eyes. He couldn’t see anything in them so he said to keep the wet bandage on them and get them checked when I get back to the ward.
I couldn’t call Jim as I didn’t know his number and without my phone and unable to see I called my mum to let her know I was done and awake… You never forget your parents phone number! She said Jim had called a few times but they kept telling him I was still in theatre so they were worried.

I was in recovery for a few hours. While in theatre, there had been a mess up and we had to wait for a bed to become available.
Still unable to see and having been re-catheterised, I was taken back to a different ward (the 3rd one since my admission). They did my observations and then I was allowed to make some calls. I called my sister-in-law first, as she was working just down the corridor on a different ward.
I get really emotional after general anaesthetic so I cried down the phone and then cried when she arrived.
Jim, my mum and sister also came to see me that evening. By the time they left, I was able to open one of my eyes.

 

– SUNDAY –

The next morning, I was taken to see the Ophthalmologist. By this point I was able to open both eyes but they were still painful and itchy and my vision was blurred. The doctor gave me drops and sent me on my way with “healthy” eyes.

The rest of the day was really busy! I had bed physio and a parade of visitors.
My parents, my grandad and aunt, my friend and her mum, my in-laws and Jim visited me that afternoon finished off with my sister-in-law coming to see me before she started a night shift. Safe to say, I slept well that night amongst all the biscuits and chocolate and cards and balloons I’d been brought.

– MONDAY –

Monday was supposed to be a productive day. I was going to do physio and be sent home without a catheter after seeing my proper consultant.
The catheter was taken out and I drank everything in sight. Following a lot of discomfort I had my first success of the day!
By the time the physio came, I was feeling incredibly sick which we put down to all the meds and new surroundings and lack of sleep. She got me up for a walk with a zimmerframe but wasn’t going to risk putting me on the stairs.
By the time my visitors (Jim, mum, my sister and niece) arrived, I was feeling a bit better, but still a bit odd and still blurry eyed.

 

– TUESDAY –

Tuesday was Jim’s birthday and I felt so bad for still being in hospital. To make up for it, I got some donuts sent to his work. If I didn’t earn his favour, atleast I got some fans from his office.

I had to be sent home today so I was raring to go for the physio.

She turned up and wheeled me down to a small room at the end of the ward. It had a small stair case of 3 steps up and 3 down the other side. This was going to be a piece of cake!
Now, I’m not sure if I was over confident or if I just wasn’t ready but the physio said I couldn’t go home. I was too shaky and this was just 3 steps! I definitely wasn’t ready to handle a whole staircase, let alone go home unsupervised and be going up and down stairs.

I was distraught. I called Jim and cried down the phone. I then called my sister and cried down the phone. I then called my brother and… well, you get the idea.
Everyone said the same thing… You can’t go home unless it’s safe for you to do so. Its in your best interest… etc etc etc

The consultant who operated came to see me that afternoon. He said that when he opened me up it was the biggest disc prolapse he’d ever operated on and while operating the surrounding discs were trying to protrude… In laymen terms, I’m really broke!

My brother came to visit that evening with my nephews. My oldest nephew kindly lent me his Nintendo DS to keep me occupied.

My sister kindly wheeled me down to the hospital shop to buy Jim a card and balloon.
After everyone left, Jim, his parents and me went down to the hospital restaurant to have possibly the saddest 25th birthday dinner.
He opened some presents and had cupcakes his mum had bought.
I definitely owe him a do-over of his birthday when I’m feeling better.

– WEDNESDAY –

Wednesday morning I woke up feeling really ill. I was fed up of being in hospital.
There was a man in the side room who had been given a bell and he rang it every time the nurses didn’t answer his buzzer quick enough. If they didn’t answer the bell, then he started shouting. To begin with, I thought maybe he had mental issues but it turned out he was just a horrible person.
We (The B Bay ladies, with an average age of 72 and were quite honestly the easiest and loveliest patients ever) were sick of this guy by now. I was the newbie to the bay, having been in 6 nights and was sick of him on the 2nd day! We’d been pretty damn patient with this guy up til now. So when he started shouting at the nurses just before 5am the previous morning, I think we were well within our right to be annoyed. One of the ladies in my bay shouted at him to shut up, so he shouted back and thats how I woke up that morning!

Atleast I’d managed to sleep well the night before, but nothing is like your own bed. Nothing is like eating your own food and the menu options for Wednesday night were scrambled egg and bacon, scrambled egg and tomato, or tuna salad… Hard pass on all of the above!

I needed out!

So when the physios did their rounds that morning, I took a few deep breaths and stayed calm.
We decided I needed to practice on the main staircase. I needed it to be as realistic as possible and I needed to know I’d cope at home.
Aced it! I was discharged from physio!
She put in a referral for the occupational therapist to come and see me that afternoon but otherwise I was set to go home. The nurses began the process and I told everybody I was going home!

The occupational therapist came to see me and supplied me with a raised toilet seat and and chair for the bathroom.
It was around 4pm by now and there was still now sign of a discharge letter or my take home medications.

My sister arrived at 5:30pm to take me home, at which point we were told it would be another 2 hours!!
We went down to the hospital cafe for a drink and then onto the restaurant for dinner (it was chips and beans but still way better than scrambled egg or tuna!)
We got back to the ward and we waited… and waited… and waited.
Finally, at 8:30pm I was ready for discharge! I would have ran out of there if I could, but I settled to being wheeled out by niece.

We filled the car to the brim, with my zimmerframe, crutches, raisers and stools. Luckily, Jim had taken most of my stuff home over the previous nights.

 

– NOW –

Recovery is going well so far. I’m up and about moving and the painkillers seem to be working. I’m not taking the morphine as much as I was in hospital and apart from being bored out of my mind, I’m doing okay.
I have weeks of this ahead so I just need to take it slow and let my body tell me when it’s ready to do more.
Hopefully in 2018, I’ll be fighting fit again!

the . rise . and . fall

Yesterday, I did a “Sammie”.
This phrase was coined by some ex-colleagues. I was voted “Most Clumsy” at a Christmas party a few years ago as I was known for falling over and hurting myself. It was a regular occurrence and mostly happened on stairs. I was known for dropping things, breaking things and general destruction of anything I touched.

It’s been a while though, and I honestly believe it was just working there that made me clumsy. Those people were unlucky charms for me.

But yesterday, my new found luck changed.
My ear infection had started to improve over the weekend so I got ready for work and thought nothing of it.
The order in which the next series of events happened is a little hazy but I ended up on my side at the bottom of the stairs feeling light headed. I’m not sure if the dizziness came before or after the fall, but I lost my footing about half way down the stairs and was now in
an agonizing heap on the floor.

I tried to get up but there was excruciating pain coming from my right side.

Luckily, I had my phone in my hand when I fell.
Should I call Jim? No, he’s at work and he won’t get home for another few hours and that’s if he can even leave.
I could call 111, but they’ll get someone to call back within the next few hours and then send an ambulance.
So I cut out the middle man and called 999 myself and 20mins later, 2 paramedics arrived.
The fortunate thing about the layout of my house is that the stairs are right by the front door, so I was able to stretch up to let the paramedics in. I was kind of blocking their way in though so I had to painfully slide myself away from the door.
They started me straight away on Entinox.
Its going to sound strange but I love it. It gives you the most glorious light headed experience and it actually feels like you’re floating. I do however start talking gibberish when I’m on gas and air, and I think I remember telling them the life story of the cats.
Once I’d calmed down they assessed me. Nothing seemed obviously broken and despite the fact I’d hit my head on the cat litter box, my neurals were good too.
They cannulated and gave me IV paracetamol because despite my nice high experience, the Entinox wasn’t giving me much pain relief.
Standing up was ridiculously painful but it made the stretcher feel like the comfiest bed in the world.
The ambulance ride was bumpy and I was going so hard on the gas that the paramedic asked several times if I was okay.
I don’t live too far from from hospital so we were there in no time.
The paramedics handed over to a nurse and this is when I decided Entinox isn’t amazing. I started tripping and it was scary. It was as though someone had recorded a nurse’s voice and was playing and rewinding the same 5 seconds snippet over and over again. The corridor was moving and I was trying my hardest to stay grounded.
I stopped on the Entinox but it took a long while for me to stop feeling sick and return to some normality.

I was moved into a room and asked to undress and put a gown on. This was easier said than done considering the pain I was in.
A nurse came every half hour to do my blood pressure and oxygen levels. She then came back to do an ECG and I assume all of that was normal.
The consultant then arrived, gave me ibuprofen and tramadol and did a thorough examination.
A healthcare assistant wheeled me to x-ray where I managed to sublux my other hip trying to lift my leg out of the way for the side shots.

X-ray came back normal and I was free to go.
Except, I had no way of getting home.
All my family were at work and I hadn’t brought my purse with me in the rush of leaving the house.
A friend offered to arrange a taxi but it was cancelled by the company with a lame excuse.
I’d managed to set up Jim’s card on my phone to make contactless payments but it wouldn’t work on the bus, and I didn’t want to risk it not working in the taxi.

I was stranded at the hospital. Luckily, Android pay worked in the shops so I was able to buy some magazines and food and drink.
It was around 6pm, Jim finally arrived to pick me up and take me home.

I’m expecting to be sore for the next few days and I need to really take it easy, but I’m just glad I hadn’t broken anything. A broken hip is the last thing I need right now.

Who would have thought all this trouble could be caused by a little ear infection!?